


Funereal - Death Becomes Us

by cutsycat



Series: Dictionary.Com Word of the Day Drabbles [1460]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21594355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutsycat/pseuds/cutsycat
Summary: Tony dies to save Gibbs, but can Gibbs handle his sacrifice?
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs
Series: Dictionary.Com Word of the Day Drabbles [1460]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/444514
Comments: 16
Kudos: 57
Collections: Prompts for Cutsycat - NCIS (2018)





	Funereal - Death Becomes Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Angst_BuriTTo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angst_BuriTTo/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [Angst_BuriTTo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angst_BuriTTo/pseuds/Angst_BuriTTo) in the [cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2018) collection. 



> Another dictionary.com word of the day drabble. This time from 04/30/2003 for the word [funereal](http://www.dictionary.com/wordoftheday/2003/04/30/funereal).
> 
> funereal[ fyoo-neer-ee-uh l ]  
> adjective  
> of or suitable for a funeral.  
> mournful; gloomy; dismal:  
> a funereal aloofness that was quite chilling.
> 
> This was requested by Angst__BuriTTo as part of my 2018 prompt challenge [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2018/profile). The 2018 Prompts are closed, however, you can still sign up for the 2019 Prompts [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2019/profile). More instructions are below if you wish to sign up. This prompt had multiple options I removed the ones I wasn't fulfilling.
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
> 1\. Deathfic (Tony)  
> Tibbs  
>  **End Prompt**

Gibbs had always hated this part of the job, losing people was the hardest damn thing for him and always left him wondering if he could have prevented it. This one was even worse than normal, he’d always expected Tony to outlive him and it shocked him to the core to lose Tony like this. He knew he was giving off funereal vibes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

He’d lost his partner for a second time. Tony had joined Shannon and Kelly wherever they were and Gibbs was left alone, once again. He hated it. 

He’d thought this time would be different. He’d thought that there was no way that Tony would die before him. After all, Tony was a good twenty years younger than him, but the fool had to go and sacrifice himself to save Gibbs’ life. Didn’t he know that without him, Gibbs’ life wasn’t worth saving? 

He tried to remember all the good times that he’d had with Tony and there had been a lot. They’d been dating for a good fifteen years before Tony had died, so there were plenty of amusing memories. Ones where Tony re-enacted some movie scene hilariously and even Gibbs who hadn’t seen the movie was amused. 

There were other times he remembered, times most people wouldn’t think anything of, where they’d fooled around just the two of them. It hadn’t been about getting off, but about having fun with each other. It had brought a light-heartedness to his life that he’d been sorely missing. 

The funeral was tomorrow and everyone expected him to give a speech about Tony as he’d known Tony the longest aside from his frat brothers and everyone knew they’d been dating. The entire NCIS headquarters had found out about them when Tony forgot himself and had kissed Gibbs in the middle of the bullpen. There had been quite a bit of screeching and congratulations after that. 

Gibbs didn’t know what he was going to do, now. He was already retired from NCIS and rightly so as his body couldn’t handle the stress of that job anymore, but that also meant he truly had nothing to do except think about the man he just lost. The man that he had expected to be by his side for the rest of his life. 

It had technically been Tony’s fault that they’d been in danger as he’d apparently drawn the psycho’s attention during a case, but Gibbs hadn’t been bothered. He hadn’t been worried about losing his life. He would have been happy to be the one being prepared for a coffin right now if it meant he hadn’t just lost the love of his life.

He loved Tony even more than Shannon and look how messed up he’d been from that loss for years. He’d already started giving off the don’t touch me vibes. He couldn’t dare let anyone close again. There was no way he’d survive this kind of loss for a third time.

Heck, he wasn’t sure he could survive it now. Everyone was trying to be nice and bring him food and condolences, but honestly he just wanted the whole thing to be over, so that he could wallow in peace. Nobody really understood how badly this hurt. After he’d met Tony and they started dating, he’d devoted practically his entire life to making sure Tony was happy. 

Seeing Tony happy made him happy, so it worked well, but now, well, he had no idea what he was going to do now. Without Tony, he was quite lost. He was ready to be done with this entire thing. 

He just wanted to go up to the cabin that had so many joyous memories of Tony and forget that Tony would no longer be coming home. He wanted to wait at the cabin for Tony to join him again. Why did he have to lose the one he loved again?

Why did the universe hate him so much? Was he really doomed to be unhappy forever? It sure felt like it, since it kept taking away his happiness.

He was particularly annoyed with Ducky, who seemed to think it was his job to comfort Gibbs after Tony’s death. Ducky just wasn’t getting the hint that Gibbs wanted to be left alone. The guy kept coming over and making tea and nattering at him for hours.

Unlike Tony’s chatter, Ducky’s just put him to sleep. It was super annoying. The guy didn’t seem to get that Gibbs was miserable. That his whole life had been turned upside down and he had no idea what to do anymore.

He knew Tony would want him to be happy. He knew Tony would want him to keep living, but he’d just lost his reason for living. How was he supposed to continue on?

With a sigh, Gibbs headed upstairs. He stared at the master bedroom as the memories of both Tony and Shannon, in that room with him, flitted through his head. Finally, he shook his head and returned to the basement. 

At least, down here, the memories of making love to his partners weren’t as strong, which wasn’t to say they hadn’t made love down here, but it hadn’t happened as often. Tony had been on a crusade to make sure that every corner of the house had been appropriately christened with their love making. Gibbs hadn’t really cared, but Tony’s surprise love making attacks had amused him to no end, so he’d let his partner do what he wanted.

He remembered one time where he’d fallen asleep under the boat and woke up to Tony riding his cock. He’d been surprised, but he’d loved it all the same. He closed his eyes as he remembered the night or should he say the morning and eventually drifted off to sleep under the boat with visions of Tony in his head.

The funeral the next day was even worse than Shannon and Kelly’s somehow. At least this time his father hadn’t brought some random woman with him, but it really wasn’t much of a saving grace. Everyone wanted to talk to him. Everyone wanted to tell him about their memories of Tony.

It was like they didn’t realize that it was pouring salt on his wound. Tony had always been the one to make everyone happy. He’d always been the bridge between Gibbs and the rest of the world. Gibbs could never take Tony’s place.

He didn’t know what to say to any of these people. He couldn’t make their pain go away. He couldn’t offer a bad joke to break the tension. He simply didn’t know how. That had always been Tony’s role.

Every comment they made only made him wish that he had been the one to die instead of Tony. Tony’s light was so bright that it would have continued to shine after Gibbs’ death. He had no doubt about that, but Gibbs had no light. Only darkness and an offering of shelter from the storm. It wasn’t even close to the same thing as what Tony brought to the table.

The ceremony wasn’t even half way over and he already wanted to run away and hide. He wanted a relief from these feelings. The hurt was so strong, it was a physical pain and he hated it.

He could handle the physical pain, but not like this. Not when it wouldn’t go away because there was an ache in his soul that could never be healed. There was literally nowhere to run, nowhere where the feelings wouldn’t be there. 

In a lot of ways, it was worse than when he’d lost Shannon and Kelly and he hated himself for that too. How could losing his daughter hurt less than losing Tony? What kind of father was he?

He’d run away to Franks the last time his sense of loss had been so strong, but he knew that wouldn’t work this time. If he lazed around on a Mexican beach for hours, the only thoughts in his head would be of Tony. Watching Tony die had been bad enough, reliving it would be a million times worse.

Eventually the ceremony came to an end and he was able to say his goodbyes and sneak out. He still had no idea what to do with himself, so he drove around aimlessly for a while. Finally, he ended up back at his house and he made his way upstairs, hoping that the happy memories of Tony would be enough to keep the sadness at bay.

He fell asleep in the bed he shared with Tony. His head so full of thoughts of Tony that there was literally no room for anything else. As he felt himself drifting away, he thought he saw his Tony again.

He reached out and was enveloped in a white light. He simply didn’t wake up again. No one was any the wiser, until Ducky showed up to check on him after no one had heard from him in days and found him there. Ducky shook his head at the loss of a great man, but he understood as well. There were some things that you just couldn't come back from.

**Author's Note:**

> The dictionary.com series has 3 stories already written for it after this one, so I will be posting at least 3 more stories before I stop posting again. I'm hoping to get more stories written before then, so that I don't stop posting for a while. Wish me luck! 
> 
> It's 2019 now and I have closed my 2018 Prompt collection, but fear not my 2019 Prompt Collection is now open [here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/cutsycat_NCIS_Prompts_2019/profile). Just click the sign up link. ;) It will remain open until the beginning of 2020. I'm hoping to complete all the 2019 prompts by the end of 2020. Do not fear I have not forgotten about the 2018 prompts and will continue working through them. It's just easier for me to not get overwhelmed if I keep the prompts separated by the year they were given to me.
> 
> If you are not an ao3 member, you can prompt me [here](http://cutsycat.livejournal.com/50701.html). Please follow the same rules as are listed in the above link. However, because this is a handmade prompt form(that thinks it's a poll), it is considerably more limited than what ao3 provides, so please use the ao3 form if you're an ao3 member. Please note the name option is for a name that I can say this is for so that you know it's for you. Since this is for non ao3 members it won't be true gifts, but you will be mentioned in the notes. Please note if you have already voted in the poll and would like to request more stories you can just add a comment to the poll. Please include the name along with the prompt, so that I can appropriately gift the prompt to you.
> 
> For any authors that want to chat and/or are looking for a place where they can toss plot ideas around and get input from people, you can come join my discord server that is specifically geared towards writing/encouraging people to write and authors. The invite link is [here](https://discord.gg/HFvwpCq). If you're not an author, but want to chat with me about writing/stories or anything else you are welcome to join. I reserve the right to boot you from my server if all you do is pester me about updates, however. *grin* Really anyone who wants to talk about writing and/or plot ideas for various stories is welcome to join. 
> 
> Also, Drakonyashka has translated a couple of my works into Russian. [Tutelage](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378780) and [Imbue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378840). Go support them. 


End file.
